I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have feelings that need drinking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
