I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
