Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
