Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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