I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
