I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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