Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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