I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
