I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
