I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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