On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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