they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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