it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
