it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
