Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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