So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize