Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
