Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
