They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
