i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
