She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
