Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
