You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
