I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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