You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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