so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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