help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
