Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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