It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
