I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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