he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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