Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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