I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
