If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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