Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
