Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
