i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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