Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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