he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize