I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
