I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
