yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
