You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
