I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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