Farmville is her only friend.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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