Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
