just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
