kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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