why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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