She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
