grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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