He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
