Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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