So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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