i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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