Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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