Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
