if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she told me i tasted like america
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
