Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
