The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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