I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
