I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
