Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize