Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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