Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
