so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
