yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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