You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
